Seriously. Amazing. Whoa.

 So much has happened in the last few days!

I will start with Wednesday, 1 day after my last post. Wednesday I was in a pretty peaceful state after draining myself, confronting, and accusing God. It brought me to such a sweet place of peace with Him. We had three tours of prospective rentals set up on Thursday. (I do need to add here that we also saw a rental in Canby on Sunday evening and really liked it. The landlords told us they have a few other families to tour this week and they would make a final decision by Friday.) Wednesday afternoon we find out the tour at 12:30 the next day (in Fairview) is cancelled because the owner has decided to sell the home. We then decide to go to the zoo and enjoy the day. There is a tour scheduled for the evening of Thursday still.

Thursday we go to the zoo, and have a wonderful break from all the stress of finding a place to live. It was so great and needed. On the way to having dinner with my grandma (who is moving to Arizona as well), we get a text that the tour that evening has been cancelled because a tenant signed a lease that day. Oh well, I figure I'll be up late again and applying to anything new I can find.

We have dinner with my grandma. Once home, I quickly check my email, and we have an email from the Canby landlords of the house we liked saying we being offered the lease! We are all so excited - I really can't explain to amount of relief I felt. When I looked back at the timelines of the contacts, we received the text of the canceled tour at 4pm, the email offering a lease at 4:22pm, and another update from a rental in Sandy that they are processing our application. It was a great reminder of just how much God has all of this in his hands. 

I'm so excited for the home. Now it's getting through the next two weeks, moving our things out so my mom can get this house on the market. We get access to the garage on March 26th to  move most of our belongings in - so great! The big items will move on April 1st, as well as ourselves. Since this should only be a 1 to 2 year rental, I plan to not unpack everything. I'm boxing up items we don't use much/may not need in the next year and labeling well to try to keep as many things is boxes as possible, without feeling like it. When we need something, I'll open it up. I digress.

I was already convinced God would take care of everything. I now have an even firmer foundation in that. I have learned that my emotions are all valid, and God wants me to take them all to Him. None of 'I shouldn't fell this way if I am trusting God". Trusting God and all the emotions can co-exist. He gave me my emotions to lead me to Him. It's so beautiful. And I can ask for anything I want, knowing He is a good father and will either give me my desires, or show me how my desires could be shifted to line up with what He knows is best. He is so very, very good.

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

the enemy is a liar

I've been going through Ephesians, focusing on Ephesians 6:10-20, with the woman's Bible study group at my church, and God is allowing me to see more clearly that our enemy is a liar. Not just an occasional one, but that is all he does. He lies. He cheats. And he is out to destroy - as in defeat us to the point we don't get up again. That is a big attack. And it is on going. The comparison game I play with my looks, abilities, daily successes and failures - all of it lies. God is the only One I should be listening to. He is where I get my marching orders, my daily list of to-do's. Other's opinions and writings can be inspired, even of God, but as soon as I allow it to be above God in my life, it gets twisted by the enemy as a lie. This is why it is so important to know our God - to spend time with Him daily. To be intimate & vulnerable with God allows Him access to my deepest heart & mind. Then He can change me, mold me, and speak His truth to me. When I am listening to & seeking out God, all other voices are filtered through Him, and it's His truth I get to experience, not the enemy's twisting of things into lies.

May you experience Gods truth throughout today, as you meditate on things of Him. May you not be detracted by things of this world, but be consumed with how mighty, powerful, strong, great, majestic & over-all God is today.

the mom I did not anticipate becoming

I did not see myself as the mom I am. I never in my life thought I would make most of the bread items we eat from scratch. Or that I would choose (willingly) to homeschool my children (I mean, who needs that added responsibility, right?!). I didn't think I'd be open to, even hopeful that, God would call our family to another country. Didn't think I'd want as many kids as God gives us, trusting in Him no matter what that number will be. So fun, and so much different than what I thought I would be.

Love beyond this world

I just held my son while he fell asleep for a nap. Nothing new about that act, I do it daily. But today was different since my husband took our daughter on an outing, so it was just me & the boy. As I was holding him, at first I was of the mindset "let him fall asleep so I can get going on all the things I need to do". Then God reminded me that my daughter wasn't home, so I didn't need to tend to her, and that truly nothing was more important than being fully in 'this moment'. So I let myself. I let myself fully focus on the moment, and God spoke to my heart. As I was holding my boy, I really let myself feel him resting on me. His dependence and desire for me was so clear and so real. And my uncontrollable  undeniable love for him was overwhelming. Not in an emotional sense, which I tend to expect when I think about or relate to my kids. But in a 'there are no words to describe this what-so-ever' sense. As in, I love my children no matter what, and it's not even a choice I have to make. I love them beyond my emotion, so much that there are no words for it. I'll never be able to convey this 'love' to them. Not in this life, at least. Until they experience it for themselves, they'll never know it.

And God reminded me that's how He is toward me. His love is so resoundingly big, so immense it cannot be contained by anything, ever. Makes me think of the scripture in Song of Solomon 8, verses 6 through 8. "..love is a strong as death...many waters cannot quench love..." In my conversation with God in this moment, I started thinking about how I believe love is a choice we need to make. Unlike God, our natural tendencies tend to be self driven, not others driven. My choice to love my husband is what keeps our marriage growing toward what God has for it. My choice to love my husband & children is what reminds me to deny myself and put them first. But there's more to it.

God gave me yet another glimpse into Himself, that His love isn't about choice, it just is. There is no choice but to love. Now, I've known that God is love and that He doesn't choose whether or not to love us, but I can't fully understand how that works. God is so much bigger than my understanding will ever be, and I love when He gives me glimpses into Himself. By choosing to love, I let God lead me. By allowing God, who is love, to lead me, more & more of my life looks like Him, as in I make loving choices more often. He is able to transform me to be love, as He is love, and not just choose to love. It's beyond emotion and all reason.

I get to experience a bit of His love in this world through my kids. The love I have for them is a part of me, I cannot separate myself from it.

I'm learning from God to have the same type of love for my husband. It's interesting to me that God relates to us as His sons & daughters, and the church/Jesus relationship as husband and wife. Different dynamics, different way for us to learn God's love? The love doesn't change, just our understanding of it? These things I'm pondering lately...

so few #2 diapers in eight months...

With baby #2 we have been doing something different in the realms of diapering. I wanted to give cloth diapers a try (NEVER thought I'd say that) and while researching them came across a type of baby pottying called by many in the western world 'EC' or 'elimination communication'. (yes, it rhymes).

It basically consists of offering the potty when your baby needs to go. When I first came across the idea, I thought it was ridiculous. But I read more about it, and decided it was worth a try. I decided to try it for a day when mister t was around 2 months old - in less than 12 hours he was peeing in the toilet. Astounding to say the least.

So my husband and I have continued this journey. To date mister t uses the potty about 70% of the time, and I'd say about 90% of his #2's go in the toilet. This has been awesome - since we are using cloth diaper & wipes it means less clean up and less laundry. All of it means less money going...well...down the toilet. :) The current challenge is night time, he used to get up and fuss a bit while we took him potty, but as of lately he wants nothing to do with the potty at night. Guess we'll give it a break. But I have noticed him having more control over his pottying, and sometimes I think is just trying to tell us he doesn't have to go. Either way, I don't think I'll ever not do EC again. It seems so natural now, and I like that my baby doesn't have to sit in his own waste if we doesn't want to. We just got new potty seat for him - so far he likes them. He smiled & laughed each time he used them today. And daddy likes that the pee actually goes where it should (instead of  everywhere else - it's hard to aim an eight month old while holding them over the potty.) ;)

i like containers

I like containers. From old moving boxes to thrift store baskets to the old salsa jar to the plastic dish that once held my yogurt, I like them all. I like to be creative in reusing them. I peel off labels, scribble out words & cover in contact paper. The large containers are good for organizing closets. The middle sized ones for cupboards, pantries & art/school/office supplies. And the small containers (think Altoid tins & such) for buttons, safety pins, band-aids.... Oh the joys of organizing! And re-organizing again. And again. I know, I have an issue obsession.

And it's all for the good of the planet, right? The whole 'reduce, reuse, recycle' thing. Greener living. (side note - I wonder if 'greenliness' is becoming the next 'next to godliness?' Food for thought. At least a bite.) So I save things. Like containers. And paper scraps. And bottle caps. (craft project supplies, right?) And I buy stuff someone else has already 'used'. Like second hand clothes. And toys.

The Parable of the Talents, Matthew 25:14-30¹⁴ “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. ¹⁵ To one he gave five talents^[a] of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. ¹⁶ The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. ¹⁷ So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. ¹⁸ But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.¹⁹ “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. ²⁰ The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.’²¹ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’²² “The man with the two talents also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.’²³ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’²⁴ “Then the man who had received the one talent came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. ²⁵ So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’²⁶ “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? ²⁷ Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.²⁸ “‘Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. ²⁹ For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. ³⁰ And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

I'm living so smart because of all the money I can save by reusing so much! So...why have I been struggling with a gnawing feeling of being suffocated by it all? Reusing is good, right? Saving is wise, right? I been trying to process the feeling with God, and I think I (finally) have an answer. It's a two-parter.

First - I have TOO MUCH STUFF. Much more than I need. Now I don't mean like I live in a 24 bathroom house, have a 2nd house in Hawaii, and have my meals flown in from Paris everyday kind of way. But in my own everyday we-don't-even-own-a-TV life, God is revealing I have so much. I am blessed. And this realization is not to take away God's blessing - no, on the contrary, it's to help me open my eyes and be aware of God's blessings in my life. And count them. Often.

The Parable of the Rich Fool, Luke 12:13-14¹³ Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”¹⁴ Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” ¹⁵ Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”
¹⁶ And he told them this parable: “The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. ¹⁷ He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’¹⁸ “Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. ¹⁹ And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’²⁰ “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’²¹ “This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God.”

Second - I am not trusting in God's provision. By holding onto these things (even in the name of being wise by reusing things), in my heart I'm saying I don't trust God. I saying "I might need this someday, so I'll keep it", while God wants me to realize that on 'that someday' when I need 'that thing', He'll provide it. Maybe through reusing something. Maybe through a blessing. However it gets done, He will do it.

Do Not Worry, Luke 12: 22-32²² Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. ²³ Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. ²⁴ Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!²⁵ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]? ²⁶ Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?²⁷ “Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ²⁸ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! ²⁹ And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. ³⁰ For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them.³¹ But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
³² “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. ³³ Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. ³⁴ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

There's a fine line between being wise and hoarding. The line is different for everyone, and based on each individual situation. This is what makes it so important for us not to compare our stuff. God has a different plan and journey for each of us. 

For me, I have (finally) agreed with God that I would remove from my life the current things I 'cling to' for security instead of Him. This consists of:

•  getting rid of the 2 bins in my garage that contain miscellaneous containers, just in case I need them. 
• recycling all the cardboard boxes I fold down & store
• letting go of excess craft supplies...fabric, paper scraps. It's ok to let garbage be garbage.
• cutting down my clothes. I've decided I really only 'need' 4-7 each of long sleeves, short sleeves, pants, capris/shorts, sweaters/hoodies; and 3 sets each of workout clothes, warm & cool pj's. 

Writing it here helps it be more final. And reasonable. ;) Reading it, it's still more than I need, so it'll be ok. The fact that it almost makes me have slight anxiety proves to me I need this step. So often in my life I initially resist what God would have for me. But if I can push through, His peace is on the other side. And liking every piece that is in my closet is already making me smile.  It also means I get to host a clothing exchange or  offer up my articles to hopefully bless someone in truer need than I am.   

straight from Philippians 4:8...

wondering if a thought or attitude is ok? Well, is it...

• true? 

• worthy of reverence and honorable?

• just?

• pure?

• lovely and lovable? 

• kind and winsome and gracious? 

• full of virtue and excellence? 

• worthy of praise? 

If yes, then 'think on and weigh and take account of these things' (as in 'fix your minds on them'). I need this tattooed on my inner arm I think. :)

don't judge a pumpkin by it's shell...

This past October (2 months ago already?!) my sister-in-law & mother-in-law bought me a 'blue' pumpkin. It was more of a grayish tint and on the larger side as far as pumpkins go. They told me it was supposed to be a sweet variety. While cutting it up into chunks to cook it in the oven, I discovered the 'flesh' was pretty thick - about 2 to 3 inches.

Hmmm....in my limited knowledge of pumpkin the bigger it is = less sweet.

But I cooked it up anyway, and was SO glad I did. By far the sweetest tasting pumpkin we have ever come by! I was eating it by the spoonful as it was cooling off. My 6 month old son really enjoys it as well. One night we added some coconut milk with a little salt & pepper, heated it all up, and it was a lovely soup. Great as a coconut/pumpkin drink as well, cold or hot. Also great as a smoothie. Or in pumpkin pie. Or in pumpkin oatmeal muffins. Or as pumpkin bread. :) Yup, I've done a lot with my 'blue' pumpkin, and I am very much hoping to grow at least one this next year. I think I've been converted. :)

Coconut Pumpkin Soup

• Add equal parts pumpkin puree & coconut milk to sauce pan
• Add salt & pepper to taste
• Heat slowly
• Enjoy 

me & my love...

God knew exactly what He was doing when He brought my husband & I together. I am so much a better person for knowing & growing with my love, and I for sure lean on God daily for wisdom on how to love my  hubby in every way I can.

a day at the farm

I took the kids to a local farm (Bushue Farms) to meet up with our neighbor. We picked raspberries, tomatoes, peppers & corn. My first experience actually harvesting corn from the stalk (I'm sure there's some sort of trick to it - I had a hard time not stripping the entire stalk while trying to get one ear off). A great price for some farm fun & local fresh produce.

The cutest raspberry picking helper ever! We made raspberry muffins with our bounty.

Taking it all in - first trip to a farm!

My workout for the day, carrying 18 extra pounds around. Most fun workout ever.

And even the mister t partook of the corn, after we had eaten the kernels off he had fun chewing on the cobs.

my little mister...

My little mister t, on the move (and these are a few months old....he turned 5 months yesterday. Slow down buddy!)

We had been using his car seat as a seat around the house, but around 3 months old he started to move himself out of it on his own, and do incredible sit-ups. Look out world, mister t is on the move!

first time to play together...

miss A showing mister t how to make 'soup'.

a walk in the sun...

Summer showed up in the Northwest just in time for the fall. We're still having sunny days, just cooler. It gets warm for about an hour or so in the late after noon, but the sunny mornings make for great walking weather. A caterpillar was our discovery this day (we've seen tadpoles, frogs, squirrels, birds, cats, dogs & chickens). He was quite fuzzy - yes, this mama touches *almost everything my kiddo asks me to. ;)

Here's mister t & miss a, enjoying the morning.

mister t is 5 months...

Hard to believe it's been 5 months since I felt your kicks inside & was waiting to meet you. You are a blessing to all of us, and we love you so much little mister t.

 

He's in the details of a dentist appointment...

Just wanted to give a shout out to God - YOU'RE AWESOME!!! He has my back in so many ways - ways I can't even begin to wrap my brain around. The tiniest of details don't escape Him, ever. Love that. Something as small as a dentist appointment for my daughter isn't even too small for Hi to take care of.

My daughter just turned 6, and I knew the dentist appointment was scheduled soon, but hadn't even looked at my calendar yet to see exactly what day it was on when some part of my brain starting thinking that maybe I should check on the date since my schedule is quite a bit different than it was 6 months ago. The thought tickled my mind as I was drifting to sleep one night, and usually I write this sort of thing down so I remember to take care of it in the morning & my mind can let it go, but I must've been super sleepy that night (an almost 5 month old will do that to you) because I didn't do that. Then I forgot about it. This could've been an issue in the making...

But not with my God - dun dun da da! (super hero music inserted here) This morning I received a call from the dentist office, it seems the insurance will only cover appointments that are over 6 months apart, and the day we were scheduled for (a Thursday & no longer good my our schedule) was one day shy of that 6 month mark. They wanted to know if the next morning (Friday) would work, and Fridays are now the best day for appointments for us. You may think 'Well that's a pretty silly thing to get excited about', but then you would SO miss the point. You'd miss that my God has once again shown me how much He cares for & loves me. Loves me so much that a little thing like my daughter's dentist appointment (which could have been a stressful mess to take care of - think lugging two 6 month olds to the dentist office & juggling them while trying to still support my daughter through only her 2nd dentist appointment ever - I see SO MANY stressful moments for me - that or just the headache of trying to fit an appointment in some other time) was not too small for God to take care of for me. He loves to love on His kids, and I love when I'm not too wrapped up in myself to notice. I also love that He gave me the heads up that HE was taking care of it by letting me realize the appointment needed to be changed, then He took care of it befre I could get around to it. Love Him. So Much. With All My Heart. So again, YAY GOD!

on falling into mentoring...

I didn't plan on it. I definitely didn't see it coming. Two years ago my husband began volunteering with our church's youth program, or student community (shortened to stucom). At the time they needed help with the middle school age, and they were really in need of female leader volunteers. My husband poked me a little to help out, and we made it a place we could serve together. I became the leader of the 7th grade girls, and thought "sure, I can do this for the year, until they get more ladies to volunteer. I can totally 'fill-in'". Unbeknownst to me at the time, God didn't plan for me to be a 'fiil-in'. Fast forward two years, and 'my girls' are starting high school. Even through adding the second little addition to our family this past year, there was no doubt in my mind that I would not be leaving those girls. They are, as I said, 'my girls'. I find myself looking forward to talking about life with them & sharing how I see God in and around them. I often stand in amazement as God  moves in them, many times without them realizing it, and it's such a good reflection to realize God is always moving in me as well - even when I don't notice Him. It's humbling that God uses me in these young ladies lives, and honoring to get a front row seat as He unfold His Story to them. And when the doubts of my life having meaning start to creep into my mind - God reminds me of those girls, and whispers ever so lovingly "you, my dear, my daughter, my child...you are a mentor because I chose you to be, and regardless of what your mind might try to tell you, rest on what I tell you....and I tell you it all matters. to your kids. to 'your girls'. and, most of all, to Me."

6 things I've learned in 6 years of parenting...

1)puddle jumping is totally worth it. 
2)never hurts to have a spare set of clothes in the car. (or a lighter, just for birthday cake candles)
3)wet wipes are awesome. 
4)when my child is having a bad day, it's usually because I'm the one in need of an attitude adjustment.
5)I LOVE MY HUSBAND, and he's a phenomenal father
6)"It's ok, because God is with me & He protects me" (faith is so much simpler than I make it out to be)