Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Love beyond this world

I just held my son while he fell asleep for a nap. Nothing new about that act, I do it daily. But today was different since my husband took our daughter on an outing, so it was just me & the boy. As I was holding him, at first I was of the mindset "let him fall asleep so I can get going on all the things I need to do". Then God reminded me that my daughter wasn't home, so I didn't need to tend to her, and that truly nothing was more important than being fully in 'this moment'. So I let myself. I let myself fully focus on the moment, and God spoke to my heart. As I was holding my boy, I really let myself feel him resting on me. His dependence and desire for me was so clear and so real. And my uncontrollable  undeniable love for him was overwhelming. Not in an emotional sense, which I tend to expect when I think about or relate to my kids. But in a 'there are no words to describe this what-so-ever' sense. As in, I love my children no matter what, and it's not even a choice I have to make. I love them beyond my emotion, so much that there are no words for it. I'll never be able to convey this 'love' to them. Not in this life, at least. Until they experience it for themselves, they'll never know it.

And God reminded me that's how He is toward me. His love is so resoundingly big, so immense it cannot be contained by anything, ever. Makes me think of the scripture in Song of Solomon 8, verses 6 through 8. "..love is a strong as death...many waters cannot quench love..." In my conversation with God in this moment, I started thinking about how I believe love is a choice we need to make. Unlike God, our natural tendencies tend to be self driven, not others driven. My choice to love my husband is what keeps our marriage growing toward what God has for it. My choice to love my husband & children is what reminds me to deny myself and put them first. But there's more to it.

God gave me yet another glimpse into Himself, that His love isn't about choice, it just is. There is no choice but to love. Now, I've known that God is love and that He doesn't choose whether or not to love us, but I can't fully understand how that works. God is so much bigger than my understanding will ever be, and I love when He gives me glimpses into Himself. By choosing to love, I let God lead me. By allowing God, who is love, to lead me, more & more of my life looks like Him, as in I make loving choices more often. He is able to transform me to be love, as He is love, and not just choose to love. It's beyond emotion and all reason.

I get to experience a bit of His love in this world through my kids. The love I have for them is a part of me, I cannot separate myself from it.

I'm learning from God to have the same type of love for my husband. It's interesting to me that God relates to us as His sons & daughters, and the church/Jesus relationship as husband and wife. Different dynamics, different way for us to learn God's love? The love doesn't change, just our understanding of it? These things I'm pondering lately...

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