Today I found a new level of faith. God has been showing me through 2021 and 2022 (so far) that He wants me to be real with Him - like raw real, as in I don't think I should be feeling this way real. Maybe it's just me, but while I know emotions are not bad or wrong, I still can feel guilty for doubting God or not fully feeling like I believe He is who he says. God has been pulling me in deeper to this. He has been patiently, yet consistently, requesting that I give Him ALL of me - including the doubt and anger at what He is, from my perspective, 'not doing'. But here is where it gets good. As I lean into my experience and cry out to Him with how I am truly feeling, He meets me. He has reminded me of David's psalms from Scripture over and over again as I tell Him "I've done what you asked me to do! Why are You not following through?!" And rather than feeling isolated by 'yelling' at God, I feel Him pull me closer. How can that be?! I am at a lose as to how it works, but have a much greater understanding for why David, in many of his psalms, seems to accuse and argue with God for letting things happen.
It seems like God is opening many more doors for me to have a greater view of His character, and each door that opens is like a kaleidoscope of color and newness. It's humbling and so exciting, in the midst of all the 'testing'.
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